


Fumbling with the Blues

by sperrywink



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: 15000-25000 words, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-25
Updated: 2009-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:03:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future fic written in 2007. Pete and Mikey have sex after Mikey gets divorced. A relationship ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fumbling with the Blues

**Author's Note:**

> All errors and inadequacies are mine.

"You need to be naked now and my mouth needs to be on your dick."

Pushing Mikey back into the room, Pete started pulling on his belt. Mikey shuddered as Pete's hands ghosted against his belly and he watched the door swing shut. He wasn't sure this was a good idea, but he didn't think he had the willpower to turn it down. It had been a long time since he'd gotten a blowjob, since someone he cared about had wanted to blow him.

Feeling Pete's frantic hands tugging on his clothes was a sharp contrast to the ways Alicia's hands had reluctantly caressed him for the last, shit, couple of years. He was beginning to realize all those times he had told Gerard there were no signs leading up to the divorce, was laughable.

"Pete." It wasn't a no. Pete smiled a big, toothy grin and started tugging Mikey's shirt over his head. Mikey just raised his arms.

"Kick off your shoes and sit on the edge of the bed, Mikeyway. I'm going to rock your world. I've gotten good at this."

Mikey couldn't stop his eyeroll after this pronouncement, but he toed off his shoes and let Pete push him down on the bed. He was used to letting Pete manhandle him. Pete was always maneuvering people. Mikey was just one in a long line that fell into step easily. He always had. Pete was action and excitement without all the worry that Mikey had about Gerard who was the other center of gravity he knew.

Pete finished pulling Mikey's pants down and off, taking his socks with them. Mikey felt a frisson of excitement seeing Pete fully dressed kneeling in front of him, while he was naked. He rubbed one foot along Pete's jean-clad thigh to better feel the contrast. Pete didn't seem to notice Mikey's distraction. He was still focused on Mikey's cock, not that there was anything wrong with that.

Pumping Mikey's cock three or four times, Pete had an intent, and oddly serious look on his face. Mikey still wasn't sure this was a good idea and words wanted to tumble out of his mouth. You don't have to do this. Maybe we shouldn't. Why now. Mikey leaned back on his hands and held his breath.

Shaking his serious mood off, Pete looked slyly up at Mikey through his bangs and leaned down to slide Mikey's cock into his mouth. At the first warm, wet suction of Pete's mouth, Mikey couldn't contain a loud groan and his arms almost buckled. Mikey could feel Pete chuckle around his cock and suck harder.

At first Mikey let his head loll back while the sensations washed over him. It had been so long and felt so good, if he looked at Pete he would come in an instant. Taking deep gulping breaths he regained control enough to open his eyes and look back down at Pete. It was worth the self-control. Pete had his eyes closed and one hand rested on Mikey's knee. Mikey watched as his cock distended Pete's cheek on each suck and Pete's eyelashes fluttered helplessly each time. He reached down and stroked Pete's cheek.

Pete opened his eyes and they sparkled up at Mikey. Mikey groaned again and let his arms collapse this time. He threw one arm over his face and let Pete do what he would to him. The hand that was on his knee slid up to the crease in his thigh, and Mikey's hips shifted in micro thrusts as Pete encouraged the movement.

Wet with lube, Pete's other hand finally made an appearance, sliding back behind his balls. Pete squeezed Mikey's thigh in encouragement and Mikey spread his legs wider and slid further off the bed. It had been years since he had done this as well, and now his heart was beating double-time in anticipation. There were some things Alicia wanted no part of even before things got cold, and Mikey had never argued with what Alicia wanted.

One finger slid in, slow and easy, crooking to find his prostate. Mikey whimpered. A second finger joined in, scissoring and stroking him inside and Mikey felt like he was shattering apart. He could hear the broken sounds he was making, but couldn't contain them. All too soon, with one final, bowstring thrust, he was coming hard. Pete swallowed.

Mikey didn't move afterwards. He just continued laying there with his arm over his eyes, catching his breath. Pete rested his head on Mikey's thigh for a moment, before clambering up like a monkey and pushing Mikey fully onto the bed. "I told you I would rock your world."

Peeking out from under his arm, Mikey watched as Pete finally began undressing. He was kneeling between Mikey's spread legs. He wasn't careful with his clothes. His t-shirt was thrown far and wide and the zipper on his jeans was violently ripped down with a relieved sigh. Mikey said, "It's been a while."

Pete put his hands on his hips and said, "Mikey! You're a rockstar and divorced now. You should be living it up."

Mikey shrugged. He didn't clarify that he had just meant a long time since he had gotten a blowjob. It was true either way. Until Pete had barged into his life and bed, Mikey hadn't realized how much he had internalized Alicia's disinterest in sex. He had just assumed sex with everyone would be just as unsatisfying. But Pete was different. Pete was always different. Often difficult as well, but that was half the attraction.

Pete leaned down and gripped Mikey's hands in his, lifting them above his head. "Hey." He kissed Mikey, sweetly. Mikey kissed back and wrapped one leg around Pete's thigh, not so sweetly. He loved the rough feel of Pete's jeans rubbing against his inner thigh.

When the kiss ended, Mikey said, "Hey," back.

Pete was panting and thrusting not so gently against Mikey's thigh. "I'm going to fuck you now."

Still feeling mellow and pleasantly high from his orgasm, Mikey said, "Good."

Pete kissed him again, sloppily this time, and pulled a condom from his back pocket. Almost off-hand, he said, "That's what I love about you."

Mikey ignored it. He wasn't ready for another love affair. This may be more than just sex, it was Pete after all, and they had history, but that didn't mean it had to be a forever-love kind of deal. He'd tried that and it had withered and died. He was ready for some other kind of love thing. He was pretty sure Pete meant it in some other way anyway.

Mikey let Pete drape his legs over Pete's shoulders. He couldn't contain his initial clench when Pete started pushing in. Pete stilled until Mikey nodded and tightened his legs to guide Pete in further. Pete thrust in slowly and stilled again when he was fully seated. He leaned down for a kiss, but all Mikey could do was open his mouth and suck a little. His mind was centered on his ass and relaxing, and the tight, full feeling that he had missed desperately.

Finally, Mikey relaxed and Pete began thrusting in earnest. Mikey watched Pete and the blissed out look on his face. His cock grew half hard, but he was too old to come again. It didn't matter. It still felt fanfuckingtastic. The brush of denim and the smooth thrust of Pete's cock were the perfect contrast. He began alternatingly clenching and relaxing his ass and Pete began cursing him in spades and thrusting harder. If Mikey's eyes weren't rolling in the back of his head at the way Pete was hitting his prostate repeatedly, he'd be laughing up at Pete.

With an unselfconscious yell, Pete came, grinding his pelvis against Mikey's ass. With a final groan, Pete collapsed next to Mikey and Mikey stretched his legs out. Mikey closed his eyes and began drifting off until Pete's restless shifting next to him, brought him back to awareness. Without opening his eyes, he said, "What are you doing?"

"Remind me next time to get naked first."

There was some more rustling and then, Mikey was prodded to roll over and under the covers with Pete. Pete snuggled close and Mikey curled into him. He could feel Pete's eyes on him, but he resolutely kept his closed. He couldn't handle it if this was more than it was already.

Just before he drifted off again, he felt a brush of lips against his eyelid.

 

**~~But It's Standing Up That's So Hard For Me~~**

 

Mikey found Pete in the thick of some complicated tag game with the crew. Pete could always be found in the thick of something. He had thought he invited Pete to come out and hang with them on tour for Pete's sake. He had sounded so lost on the phone. Writer's block was a bitch, or so Mikey assumed.

But now he wasn't so sure it was all for Pete's benefit. His eyes tracked Pete's every move and he found himself gravitating to him, and thus activity, despite himself. He was more engaged with the tour then he had been in months. The band had all loosened up, smiled more, as if some weight had been lifted off all of their shoulders and not just Mikey's. Mikey's not sure he would even have noticed the change in them a month ago. It's not something he was proud of.

Still, right now he wasn't interested in self-analysis or some game where the object seemed to be tripping as many people as one could. Pete had been annoyingly nonchalant since they fucked two days ago. Not cold or distant, just not pushy. Mikey knew Pete was doing it on purpose, trying to get him to take action, but that didn't mean he couldn't help falling for it.

He said, "Come with me," as he slid two fingers into one of Pete's belt loops. Pete cut his eyes to Mikey's knowingly, but backed away from the group willingly. Mikey didn't touch Pete anywhere else, but he could feel Pete's entire body vibrate with tension and anticipation. He knew he wasn't any calmer even if he looked it.

Mikey tugged Pete onto the empty bus and back to the lounge area. He turned and pulled Pete into a kiss, cupping Pete's jaw with his free hand. He shifted his other so that his thumb could rub Pete's hip under his shirt. Pete kissed back sloppily and ardently, sliding his hands along Mikey's biceps.

Mikey was surprised Pete didn't try and take over the kiss now that he had gotten Mikey where he wanted him. Pete liked to be in control and it wasn't often that he let Mikey maintain the lead. Because of the novelty, Mikey lingered. Sucked gently on Pete's tongue and mouthed his neck when the kissing got to be too much and he needed to breathe. Pete just tilted his head back and made small whimpering noises, gripping Mikey tighter. Mikey grinned and settled in. He hadn't known Pete's neck was a hot spot, but now that he did, well, there was no way he wasn't going to take advantage of it.

Bending his head down, Mikey tilted Pete's head further and nibbled behind his ear and down his neck. Pete kept making those delicious sounds, they were turning almost into growls now, and Mikey sucked harder when he reached Pete's collar bone. He licked across to the other side to repeat the procedure there until Pete was gripping his shoulders and humping his leg desperately. Mikey grinned and shifted to rub his own cock against Pete's belly.

Pete finally acted. He grabbed Mikey's hair and wrenched his head up into a smoldering kiss. Mikey panted into it, but only let Pete have his way for a couple of seconds. If Pete wanted Mikey to feel like he had some control, he was going to take control, dammit. He broke the kiss and pushed Pete down onto the sofa before dropping down with an angry crack from his knees. He was getting too old for this. Pete winced in commiseration, but Mikey ignored it. He reached for Pete's jeans and tugged Pete into position and tugged the zipper down.

Curling his hands into fists at his side, Pete spread his legs and said, "I love your ideas." Mikey ignored Pete's smug grin. He tugged again on Pete's pants, getting them further out of the way, before caressing Pete's cock with some careful, light pumps. Just enough stimulation to feel good, but not enough to bring him closer to the edge. While still holding Pete's cock up and out of the way, he leaned down and licked one of Pete's balls, sucking it into his mouth.

The taste was sharp and dry, different from Alicia; everything was magnificently different from Alicia. Mikey closed his eyes and settled in. He suckled one ball and then switched to the other, listening for sound changes from Pete to guide his shifts. When Pete was begging brokenly, Mikey finally released his balls with one final lick and leaned up to swallow his cock. He didn't tease anymore. He'd always been able to deep throat, and with a couple of swallows, Pete's cock was nestled in his throat and he was bobbing his head like a madman.

Pete was lost for words again, back to growls and panting. His hips kept lifting off the sofa, but Mikey had his arm wrapped around them, holding them mostly down. Pete had shifted one fist over to gripping Mikey's arm, Mikey was glad he wasn't pulling his hair, he hated that.

With his eyes closed, Mikey's world was Pete's cock and the heat of Pete's thighs bracketing his face. He'd forgotten how much he loved doing this. He'd really, truly forgotten how much he loved doing this, because he was surprised by how turned on he was. He felt like he was on fire. He curled his free arm down to his pants and rubbed his hand franticly against his own cock through his jeans, before tugging at the button and zipper. He lost rhythm a little when he finally got his cock free, but he settled back in when he could jack himself off at the same pace.

When Pete felt Mikey's arm hitting his leg rhythmically and saw what he was doing, he said, "Oh, you beautiful, perverted bastard," and came. Mikey whimpered silently and jacked himself quicker as he swallowed a couple of times, trying to keep up with Pete's come. He didn't make it because his orgasm slammed into him making him gasp and shudder before Pete could finish. Come dribbled out of his mouth and he moaned as Pete's cock slid out. He rested his forehead on Pete's belly until his heartrate slowed.

Before he could move, Pete said, "Jesus Christ, Mikeyway." He sounded awed.

Mikey might not be great at many things, Gerard had seemed to get all the talented genes in the family, Mikey might even be more of a failure than he liked to contemplate these days, but he could always suck cock like a pro. It wasn't something he advertised, but he was oddly proud of it, even if he had forgotten for awhile with his marriage and all. Still, he just licked his lips and said, "Mmm."

"No, seriously. Jesus Christ, Mikey." Pete tapped on his head emphatically.

Rolling to the side with a groan, Mikey let his head rest against the sofa cushion so he could look up at Pete upside down. There wasn't much he could say; everything was self-evident in his actions. But Pete was a talker, always had been. "I've always been good at this." He took off his shirt and wiped the come from his face and belly.

Pete began playing with his hair, smoothing it down and then ruffling it up again. Usually Mikey hated it when people messed with his hair, but it felt soothing now. "And I'm just finding this out now?" Mikey handed Pete his shirt to wipe himself off with. Pete grimaced, but nodded his thanks.

Mikey remembered Pete from Warped Tour. All braying laughter and grand pronouncements about being gay above the belt. Mikey had been more than a little in love, but he'd never been stupid. "You wouldn't have reciprocated before."

Giving his hair a tug, Pete retorted, "You didn't need me to reciprocate."

"Fuck you." There was no heat in Mikey's words and he couldn't help smiling.

Pete smiled back. "Anytime. That's another thing that's changed."

Mikey wanted to ask what he'd done with the real Pete Wentz, but he held his tongue. They'd all changed. Grown up, he guessed. Or just grown older at least in his case, it felt like most days. Ever since the divorce he felt like he knew less about people and relationships than he did beforehand. Everything was more inscrutable. He stared at Pete, noticing the fine lines around his mouth and the suddenly serious cant to his eyes. He realized he'd been silent too long, lost in his thoughts. He still didn't know how to answer Pete's quip so he said, "Maybe."

Pete looked like he was going to say something, but then there were noises at the front of the bus and they had to do the mad scramble to get dressed and presentable before Ray and Bob entered the back. Mikey told himself it was nothing important.

 

**~~They Catch Me When I'm Pulling Up Lame~~**

 

Finishing inhaling his first cup of coffee, Mikey was startled when Gerard climbed onto the bus. This was the single band members's bus, not Gerard's, and Gerard was usually still with his wife at this hour. He had two Starbucks cups in his hands. Mikey wanted to make a grab for one, but Gerard was unpredictable. They might both be his. He raised his eyebrow instead.

Gerard sat down across from him and pushed one of the cups over. Mikey smiled and wrapped both hands around the cup, inhaling the scent. He took a reverent sip. It was his favorite made just the way he liked it. He raised both eyebrows at Gerard this time.

Playing with his cup, Gerard peeked at Mikey from underneath his hair. He coughed and took out a cigarette. Mikey pushed the ashtray over and waited.

Gerard said, "It's nice to have you back."

Mikey briefly thought about denying the charge, saying he'd been here all tour, but he didn't lie to Gerard. He'd been here, but he hadn't been present. He wasn't sure he was ready for this discussion, though. He smiled and shrugged and took another sip of his coffee.

They sat in silence for another couple minutes and Mikey wondered if that would be it. It would be nice if that settled things. Stubbing out his cigarette, Gerard said, "Were we wrong?"

"Wrong?" Mikey didn't know how to respond to that question. He wasn't sure Gerard was asking what he thought he was. If so, he didn't know how to fix himself most days, he couldn't expect his band to have a clue. He was already getting outside therapy; he didn't know what else they could do for him, anyway.

"To not push you? To not force you to be more with us?"

Mikey imagined Gerard forcing him to be social in the early days and shuddered. It would have backfired spectacularly. "Of course not. Gee."

Gerard looked mulish and jerkily took out another cigarette. "Pete-"

Now, this was where Mikey expected the conversation to have gone in the first place. But looking at Gerard's upset face, Mikey finally found the truth. "Pete didn't push me. Pete wouldn't even be here if I wasn't ready for him to disrupt my life."

Staring intently at him, Gerard stilled. It was eerie how he seemed to be looking through and under Mikey's skin. But Mikey was done hiding away. The pain inside him was small and manageable now, not something he was overwhelmed by. Mikey stared back.

"And you're ready for someone like Pete to disrupt your life?" Gerard finally lit his cigarette.

The easy answer would be to say no one was ever ready for someone like Pete. Gerard deserved better. Mikey bit his lip and looked out the window. He didn't know if he was ready. He didn't know if this would all crash spectacularly in his face. He wasn't even sure if Pete wanted anything besides good sex. Hell, he wouldn't be sure he wanted more, except for the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw Pete now. He knew jack shit, apparently. He tried not to dwell on that, though, just on how good it felt in the moment. "I'm willing to let it be what it is."

Gerard looked disgruntled. Gerard had always preferred black and white answers. Mikey guessed it didn't really answer what brought Gerard here in the first place. "Gee. He might be disrupting my life, but you and the guys are my life. Even when it's crap. Especially when it's crap." And that was especially true now. He didn't know what it said that his band was more stable and long-lasting than his marriage, but he counted it a blessing. He had maybe taken it for granted the first couple of months, but that was the beauty. He knew they would be there for him at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far he retreated.

"We'd do anything for you, Mikey, you know that, right?" Under the table, Gerard's foot tapped his.

Mikey smiled and tapped back. "I know."

With a sly glance that looked goofy on his face, Gerard said, "So, Pete."

"Gerard."

"Okay, okay."

They finished their coffee in silence after that, but it was comfortable. When Mikey got up to pour himself a third cup of coffee, Gerard got up as well. He gave Mikey a long, tight hug before heading back to his own bus. Mikey dallied preparing his coffee, not ready to face the others just yet.

Finally he sighed, and wandered through the bunks into the back lounge. Bob was reading through a comic book, it looked like one Gerard had left on their bus, while Ray was flipping channels on the TV. Pete was curled in the corner of the sofa texting. He looked up with a small smile, but then went back to his furious typing.

Looking behind Mikey, Bob said, "We thought we heard voices."

"Gerard brought me coffee."

Ray looked pointedly at the non-Starbucks cup in his hand. "You're going to vibrate out of your skin one of these days."

Mikey shrugged. Good coffee would be worth it. He settled in the middle of the sofa and zoned on the TV with Ray and Bob. Pete shifted to stick his feet under Mikey's thigh, and Mikey just held his ankle. Ray and Bob didn't pry into why Gerard hadn't stuck around or what they had talked about, and Mikey loved them for it. He was able to finish his coffee in peace and it felt good.

Ray and Bob had been remarkably accommodating to Pete sharing the bus with them for a couple of weeks. They had just exchanged a long, speaking look complete with raised eyebrows and head nods before telling him it was fine. He knew they both liked Pete, but there was liking and then there was bus-sharing. But it was working out better than even he expected. Pete seemed to be on his best behavior, at least with respect to Bob and Ray's space. He was still a terror off the bus, but he toned it down once he was again in the confined space.

Eventually Ray stood up to stretch and said, "Anyone up for breakfast?"

Bob stood up as well, nodding, but both Pete and Mikey said they weren't hungry yet. Mikey held out his hand for the TV remote and Ray tossed it over before they headed towards the front of the bus. Mikey slouched into the couch further and spread his legs out before starting to flip channels aimlessly.

It was only a minute or so after Ray and Bob left that he felt eyes on him. He looked over to Pete who had stopped texting, his Sidekick resting on his knee. He was staring at Mikey intently. Not sure what was on Pete's mind, Mikey just gave his ankle an extra squeeze and waited.

Pete bounced his Sidekick on his knee a couple of times. "Do I even need to ask what Gerard wanted to talk about?"

Not feeling particularly generous at the moment, Mikey said, "I don't know, do you?" He'd tolerated one interrogation, he didn't know if he could stand anymore soul-searching today. He knew he sounded snotty. He could use another cup of coffee.

"You're such a pain in the ass, Mikey." Pete stuck his tongue out at him.

Pete looked undecided about pushing things, a rarity for him. It piqued Mikey's curiosity. "So why do you stay?"

Rolling his eyes, Pete said, "I like that in a boy." He then put his Sidekick on the floor and crawled into Mikey's lap. Mikey held onto his hips, keeping him steady. Pete didn't lean in for a kiss or say anything, just looked at Mikey.

Pete had definitely grown up some. The patience was new. And it was working, damn him. "It wasn't what you think."

"Yeah?"

Still feeling a little raw, Mikey said, "You were only peripheral to the discussion."

Not seeming to mind, Pete quirked a smile, a real smile. "I'm hurt. Shocked and hurt."

"Drama queen." Pete kissed him. It was a slow, steady kiss, not much tongue, but a lot of intent. Mikey rubbed his hands along Pete's back and reciprocated whole-heartedly. Kissing was better communication than talking in his view. The kiss lasted for long moments, Pete eventually pulling back with a couple of short, suckling kisses.

"What did you talk about, Mikey?"

Mikey had never seen Pete so serious. It was a little scary; except for the way Pete's hands were cradling his head and massaging his neck. Mikey let his head's weight rest in Pete's hands. Mikey really didn't want to talk about this, but he felt like he owed Pete at least some of the truth. He'd been using Pete's presence as a catalyst for coming out of his shell, after all. "Just how I've been. How I am."

Pete gripped Mikey's head tighter. It felt good. "You're good, right?"

"Getting there."

"All right." Mikey kissed Pete this time; he was through talking for today. Now he just wanted to forget for a little while.

He pulled Pete's hips close and undulated his up into them. Instantly they had a hard and fast rhythm going; Pete holding tightly to his shoulders while Mikey maintained his grip on Pete's hips. They were panting into each other's mouths, not really kissing anymore. Finally, Pete moaned and pushed Mikey's head back and began mouthing his neck. It felt delicious and Mikey's hips stuttered.

Enough of this. Mikey began frantically tugging at Pete's sleep pants, getting them down. Pete helpfully kneeled up and said, "Yours too," before bending to bite his neck again. Mikey freed one hand to tug on his own sweatpants, getting them down just enough to rub his cock against Pete's. Fuck, finally. He gripped both in his hand and Pete surged into him. Mikey was moaning brokenly now, but he couldn't contain the sounds if he tried.

Pete was rocking into him with sharp, tight twists of his hips that were vicious and just right. Mikey shifted his other hand to palm Pete's ass, following Pete's motions with both hands, one front, one back. Pete panted into his neck, and with one final twist, came over the both of them. Mikey groaned and pulled Pete in tighter, grinding his hips up hard once, twice, three times and coming also. He let Pete collapse over to the side as Mikey relaxed in the afterglow for a couple minutes.

Finally sick of feeling clammy, he pulled his shirt over his head and cleaned himself off. Mikey looked over at Pete. He looked destroyed. His pants were still pulled down and come was still caked to his belly. He had a blissed out look on his face.

Mikey couldn't help asking, "Why are you here?" He knew Pete's story about writer's block and wanting to get away for awhile, but that's all it was, a story.

Pete didn't even open his eyes. "You invited me."

"You angled for that invitation." Pete opened his eyes, but just to glance away. Mikey knew he was going to avoid the question. He couldn't blame Pete. He would too in the same situation. Still he tried one last time. "Gerard's jealous of you."

Pete smirked, but an honest one. But then he looked down and grimaced. He began cleaning and straightening himself out. Mikey waited. He was better at it than Pete could ever get, no matter how mature he finally got.

Finally pausing, with a sigh Pete said to the floor, "You're the one that got away that I could get." Mikey didn't need to ask. He could guess about happily married Patrick with one kid and another on the way. Pete glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, but then quickly shifted his gaze back to the floor. Or maybe he did need to ask. Holy shit. "What did you do, Pete?"

Pete picked up his Sidekick. Mikey grabbed it out of his hand. Pete growled at him, but also finally looked at him. "I stuck my hand down Patrick's pants three weeks ago and he hasn't talked to me since. Happy?"

Not believing the balls on Pete, Mikey said, "Fucking shit, Pete." Pete stomped off to the bunks. So much for letting things be. Mikey put his head in his hands.

 

**~~I Want To Squeeze You, But I'm Scared to Death I'll Break Your Back~~**

 

Mikey was a ball of emotions and he didn't know which way was up for long moments. Swirling through his belly were disbelief and anger and even a bitter satisfaction. He had known something was going on; something had to be going on for Pete to suddenly be all over him after all these years. He hated that feeling the most. It wasn't fair to Pete or him and deeper down he knew it. It wasn't like he could stop comparing Pete to Alicia. They both had baggage.

Reality didn't make the feeling go away.

By the time Mikey got himself moving, Pete was already dressed and off the bus. Shaking his head at Pete, Mikey pushed all his other emotions down, hid them away for the moment, and finally settled on stunned disbelief as his main reaction. Not that Pete would do something so beyond the pale, seriously, Patrick was disgustingly happy by all accounts, but that he hadn't already done something equally outlandish to fix it. What was he doing here with Mikey, if things were a mess with Patrick?

Having no answers, Mikey did a little avoiding of his own. Luckily they hadn't lived in each other's pockets these past two weeks so there shouldn't be anything for anyone to comment on.

The one place Pete was sure not to be was the married bandmembers's bus. But then again, for most of the tour, that was also the last place to find Mikey. Happily married couples weren't the people he wanted to be around. He knew his avoidance had upset Frank, in particular. It was just so hard being around him. Frank was still in love with Jamia, their marriage was still rock solid, and the jealousy just ate at Mikey in the beginning of the tour.

He would have felt the same way about Gerard, except he knew nothing was easy with Gerard, even his marriage. Plus, Gerard was his brother. He couldn't ignore him if he tried. Gerard would thrust his sad face in Mikey's every chance he got. Older brothers were like that.

Mikey sent a runner for some Starbucks and wandered over to the other bus with the coffee. Not wanting to interrupt anything, he knocked and waited for someone to answer the door. Frank pulled it open and smiled delightedly when he saw Mikey, but then dialed it down. "Gerard and Lyn are off trying to find new art supplies. He ran out of some shit or another last night."

Mikey felt a twinge of regret that he had subdued Frank like that. It didn't look right on his face. He'd been so wrapped up in his own misery; he hadn't noticed how his divorce and its aftermath had changed more than just his relationship with Alicia. And Gerard was right, he had felt different since Pete had joined the tour, even now when they were fighting, it was still true. He could see Frank's happiness and not have it be a judgment on his or his lack of it. "That's cool. Mind if I hang with you for awhile?"

Frank's smile returned full-force. He looked honestly, wholeheartedly delighted, and Mikey's guilt increased tenfold. "That'd be awesome. Jamia is threatening me with dismemberment if I don't stop nagging her."

Mikey followed Frank onto the bus and into the kitchen area. Jamia was sitting at the table reading a catalogue, but smiled when she saw Mikey. It wasn't as beaming as Frank's, it was more cautious, but it was also full of understanding. Mikey put the carrier down on the table and sat down across from Jamia as Frank slid in next to her.

Jamia said, "This monkey really doesn't need more coffee. He's been bouncing off the walls since Gee and Lyn left."

Mikey gave her a small smile and pulled the coffee carrier towards himself. "That's okay, more for me then." She giggled, a sound so similar to Alicia's, and Mikey's heart ached a little bit. For the first time in months, by the way Frank tickled her side to make her laugh again; he knew he was able to keep it off his face.

"You're just the person we wanted to see, anyway. We don't have enough room for all our DVDs anymore and we're looking to buy more bookshelves when the tour is over." Jamia flipped the catalogue over, and Mikey could see that it was an Ikea catalogue.

They discussed the pros and cons of the various shelving systems, wood types, and the sizes that they wanted for the next couple of hours. Jamia liked the ones with the glass front doors, but Frank rightly worried about breaking them. There were a lot of reminders of the early days with Alicia, but for once they didn't hurt the way they had in the past. A tension between Mikey's shoulders that he hadn't even been aware was there, eased. There were no reminders of Pete and him. Their relationship was markedly different from Frank and Jamia's and Mikey was suddenly, unabashedly grateful for it.

Finally, Frank said, "Well, we could be real rockstars and go the custom built route." Frank draped himself over Mikey and ruffled his hair. His relaxation with Mikey had come flooding back as the afternoon progressed, and Mikey was absurdly relieved. He knew Frank was never mad at him, but he'd hate to think he'd broken their relationship unknowingly while trying to get over his failure with Alicia.

"But then Mikey couldn't get the satisfaction of helping us put it together."

Frank grinned. "Maybe we could pay the guys extra and they'd let Mikey help."

Mikey snorted and said, "You'd probably have to pay a lot."

It was time for dinner and the three of them threw away the coffee cups, Mikey had drunk most of the extras, and headed off to catering. It was natural for them to sit together, Gerard even smiling approvingly at Mikey. Mikey guessed he hadn't been subtle about avoiding Frank. Pete was at another table with Ray and Bob telling some improbable story about the Gym Class Heroes and a fan, putting them all in stitches.

After dinner, and after a hug from Gerard, Mikey started heading back to his bus to get ready for the show. He'd only gone a little ways when Jamia called out to him.

She came jogging up to him and put her hand on his arm. "You should stop by more often. It would send Frank into raptures."

Mikey shifted nervously. He'd really not been subtle before. He'd just been too raw to notice how he was treating Frank even worse than the others. It had been a day of revelations. "Maybe I will. Sorry about, you know, before."

"No, it's cool. He understood. We all understood." She gave his arm a light squeeze. "And I was serious about the help with the bookshelves. Frank is a disaster with stuff like that."

She didn't say it was an olive branch, but he took it as one. "I'd love to." She beamed at him, now as brightly as Frank, and ran off to her bus. Mikey stood watching for a couple minutes, touching his arm lightly. He'd missed them.

That night, Mikey's playing was on fire. He released the ball of emotions from this morning and channeled it into his bass. His anger and rage and bitterness came pouring out of his fingertips. He felt like he was going through one of those sweat lodge ceremonies and was sweating out all the emotional toxins in his body. What was even better was that he finally felt connected to all the other guys. It felt like a missing limb was being reattached. Painful but glorious.

Mikey stumbled off the stage, drained but replete, and right into Pete's arms. Luckily Pete seemed ready for this, saying, "Come with me. Right now." He began tugging on Mikey's hip. Mikey's band smirked knowingly, but he ignored them. They still didn't know about this morning. He did follow, though. He wasn't sure what he felt for Pete, but he realized he couldn't be furious with Pete, not for trying for Patrick. It would be like regretting his marriage to Alicia, and he didn't. It had taken him months to get here, but he truly didn't.

They ended up in an unused dressing room where Pete crowded him against the door. "You were amazing tonight. Why did you have to be amazing tonight?" Pete's hands were roughly stroking his arms and chest and every touch felt magnified a thousandfold. Mikey was already shuddering before Pete reached for his fly.

Pete inelegantly crashed to the floor, tugging at Mikey's clothes. Mikey didn't help him, felt too overwhelmed by the show and Pete to do anything but be buffeted by his feelings. When Pete slid his cock into his mouth with a thick, guttural sound, Mikey couldn't stop himself from thrusting hard. Pete encouraged it, encouraged Mikey to fuck his mouth, and Mikey was panting harshly and gripping Pete's hair before he'd even thought about it.

It was fast and furious, and just what Mikey needed after the show. He felt like all the remaining energy and electricity frantically charging through his body were being irresistibly drawn down and out through his cock. He came ridiculously fast.

Before Pete could move on his own, Mikey was pulling him up and into a frantic kiss. He turned and thrust Pete's back against the wall. He broke the kiss and reached down to free Pete's cock, jacking him quick and hard. Pete thunked his head against the door as his hips started their own rhythm and one of his hands joined Mikey's. Gratifyingly, it didn't take him long to come either.

Afterwards, as they both slumped against the door catching their breaths, Mikey said, "I thought you were avoiding me." He tried to keep his voice neutral. He didn't think he succeeded when Pete looked at him sharply. He didn't know what he expected Pete to say. He just wanted to get him talking, get him to say anything.

Still, Pete just said, "That was the plan."

"You could just leave the tour, you know." He left the 'and go apologize to Patrick' unspoken. He guessed he wanted to know why Pete was here without having to ask straight out. Wanted to know what Pete was doing, thinking. And maybe he couldn't be furious, but he could be a little angry.

Adjusting his clothes back into some sense of order, Pete said, "I'll go if you want."

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah, it would interrupt the convenient fucking we've got going on."

Leaning against the door more solidly, Mikey crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because I keep you around for all the drama-free sex."

Pete snorted and looked at the ground before peeking up at him. Finally he looked Mikey straight on. "Okay, yeah, I've got nothing for that. Why aren't you engaging in drama-free sex?"

"Apparently I like drama-filled sex better." And maybe he did. He was having fun with Pete, despite or maybe because of all the emotions and drama swirling between them. There was the anger and bitterness to deal with, but they were sharp emotions, not the dulled feelings he'd felt in the wake of his divorce. He felt invigorated by them, not rejected or dejected.

Grinning at him, Pete said, "Masochist." Maybe he was. At least for Pete.

Still, as fun as the banter was, it didn't answer his original question. "Why don't you go to Patrick, Pete?"

Now Pete crossed his arms. "I told you, he won't talk to me."

"He can't avoid you if you're right there, dude." And this was the part that Mikey didn't understand. Usually Pete was a confrontational kind of person. Having him hide out here with Mikey instead of confronting Patrick made no sense unless Patrick had really put his foot down. But Patrick had always been tolerant of Pete, had always put up with him.

"It's not your problem." Pete opened the door and stalked back to the rest of the band and crew.

Mikey followed more slowly, lost in thought.

 

**~~The Bartenders All Know My Name~~**

 

Mikey was in his bunk, shifting and turning, trying to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep when Pete pulled back the curtain and pushed at him. Scrunching over, Mikey said, "Pete, what?"

Pushing again, Pete climbed in half on top of Mikey. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt and his feet were cold against Mikey's shin. There were rules about sex in the bunks, particularly with Ray and Bob right there, so Mikey tried again. "Pete, what are you doing? Ray and Bob-"

Ray interrupted him, "Are right here trying to sleep."

Pete finally spoke, in a carrying voice. "We're just cuddling and as soon as Mikey shuts up, you can go back to that." Pete suited actions to words and shifted so that his head was cradled in Mikey's shoulder and one leg was over Mikey's thigh. He also wrapped his arm around Mikey and held on tight.

Mikey shut up.

Tense for long moments, waiting for Pete to do something, Mikey finally began to relax when it became apparent that Pete meant what he said. He was just here to cuddle. Mikey shifted to wrap one arm around Pete and rubbed his back. Pete took a shuddery breath and burrowed in closer. Mikey's pets got slower and slower as he started drifting off. He was warm and relaxed and it was nice sleeping next to someone again.

Bob started snoring and Mikey was jerked back awake. He shifted his arm which was falling asleep and in the process pulled Pete even closer. Pete rolled with it and whispered into Mikey's ear, "Mikey? You awake?"

"Yeah."

Pete toyed with the hem of Mikey's t-shirt, rubbing his belly a bit. "Thanks for letting me stay."

Mikey almost laughed. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't know how to do anything else. His life was as wrapped up in Pete's as Pete's was wrapped up in his now. Even if it was only temporary, it was real for the moment. "You're welcome."

"You know the Patrick thing has nothing to do with what I feel for you, right?"

Almost speechless for a minute, Mikey didn't know how to answer that. He didn't know anything of the sort. He finally settled on a resigned, "Pete."

"No, seriously. I know how it looks, but they're two separate things, feelings, whatever."

"Seriously, you wouldn't be here if not for the Patrick thing." If Mikey's hands had been free, he would have made the air quotes. He didn't know what Pete was playing at, but he wasn't going to let him pretend this was something it wasn't. He wasn't sure anymore if this was just a rebound thing, or what it was, but he was damn sure it was wrapped up in Patrick and Alicia.

Sounding fierce and sure of himself, Pete said, "You wouldn't be here if not for your divorce from Alicia."

"It's not the same thing." Mikey didn't know how Pete could even think for a second they were. Mikey at least knew he was getting over Alicia; he didn't think the same could be said for Pete about Patrick.

"I think it is. Now, shush, you'll wake the others."

Mikey couldn't remain silent. Pete had been avoiding talking to him for days and he hated it. What it all boiled down to was, "What are you doing about the Patrick thing?"

Pete didn't say anything for long moments. Mikey would almost think he'd fallen asleep except for the way he was still playing with Mikey's hem. Finally he said, "I talked to Joe."

Mikey wasn't surprised to find out Joe knew what had happened. Fall Out Boy were generally a really close band. "And?"

"And Patrick's still not ready to talk to me."

"And you're just going to accept that?" Just sitting and waiting seemed like such an un-Pete-like thing to do. Also, seeing how it was affecting Pete, Mikey couldn't help thinking it was the worst thing he could be doing.

"Yeah."

"Pete-"

Pete's voice rose to a sharp hiss. "No, I know what I'm doing."

Mikey couldn't resist saying, "I highly doubt that."

Pete didn't answer, just burrowed in deeper. His hand stilled on Mikey's belly and his breaths evened out. Mikey knew he was faking, but he let him get away with it.

The next couple of days were more of the same. Mikey might have gotten used to this new Pete, the one who blew hot and cold, except his eyes had been opened to bad relationships and he now knew the start of one. Pete was unhappy and no amount of sex with Mikey was going to fix it. And Mikey didn't want to be put into the situation where all his feelings about himself and Pete were bad ones. It was too reminiscent of him and Alicia, and been there, done that, burned the t-shirt. So Mikey did the only thing he could think of.

He called Patrick.

Patrick answered with a cautious hello, and Mikey guessed he didn't recognize his number. "It's Mikey Way."

Patrick said, "Oh," but then was silent. It wasn't an unfriendly silence, more a distracted one.

Figuring it was best to jump right in, Mikey said, "Pete's a bit of a mess."

Patrick sounded surprised and fully attentive now. "Pete's with you?"

Maybe Pete hadn't been exaggerating and Patrick really was avoiding Pete and all mention of him. That wasn't good for either their friendship or their band. This was the type of thing that could fester and build into an insurmountable thing. Not revealing any of his worries, Mikey said, "Has been for the last two, three weeks."

"Aren't you on tour?"

"Yeah." Mikey let the silence hang then. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject of Pete sticking his hand down Patrick's pants. It really wasn't his place except for the way Pete was moping around, when he wasn't overcompensating with hyperness.

Patrick was also silent for a minute before releasing a big breath and saying, "He told you, huh?"

Patrick had never been a coward or stupid. At least now Mikey wouldn't have to bring it up. "Yeah."

"Fuck." Mikey could almost hear Patrick hiding his face in embarrassment.

Mikey decided to jump right in. He wasn't sure how long Patrick would stay on the phone with him and he didn't want to miss his one chance. "Why aren't you talking to Pete? You know he'll apologize."

Words exploded out of Patrick. "It's Pete! I don't know that!"

Thinking of Pete's face every time Patrick's name came up and the way he looked when he revealed what he had done, all Mikey could say was, "Come on."

"No. Pete gets these improbable ideas and makes them reality all the time. I don't know that he views this any different. I don't know that he doesn't just consider my sexuality and marriage some pesky problems in the way of his grand vision."

Mikey felt like a light bulb turned on over his head. He'd thought it strange that Patrick would shut Pete out, not talk to him at all, but now it all made sense. "Wait. You're not mad at Pete; you're afraid, afraid he'll convince you."

Sounding resigned and more than a little scared, Patrick said, "Shut up, Mikey."

"Patrick. Pete's sorry. He's not plotting the downfall of your marriage; he's mourning the loss of your friendship."

Patrick just breathed harshly over the phone line. At least he didn't hang up on Mikey. Now if only Mikey could find the right words to get Patrick to face Pete again. Before Mikey could find the words, in a resigned voice, Patrick asked, "How is he, really?"

"He's pretty bad. He's trying to hide it, but it leaks out. Pretending nothing is the matter one minute, and then all withdrawn and stiff the next. It's like dating a mental patient."

Patrick cut him off. "Wait. Wait. You're dating?"

Mikey hit himself in the head and grimaced. He hadn't meant to bring himself into the equation, except as a friend. Especially since he wasn't sure where he fit in. "Kind of. Maybe. Not really?"

Now Patrick sounded stern. "Mikey."

Going for the truth, as much of it he wanted to reveal, Mikey said, "Honestly. I don't know what we are right now."

Patrick hummed thoughtfully. Mikey waited. Patrick said, "All right, I'll talk to him," and Mikey's breath whooshed out.

Mikey didn't make Patrick promise, but he wanted to. Pete really was a mess, now that he could see it, it was impossible to miss, and Mikey wanted it fixed sooner rather than later. He hated seeing Pete like this. They were maybe fucked up as a pair, but that didn't mean he was mad at Pete, they were fucked up individually as well. He maybe couldn't fix himself or his situation, but he had a feeling Pete's was easier.

Keeping a close, well, closer, eye on Pete over the next day or so, Mikey waited for a change, but nothing happened. He really should have made Patrick promise or at least say when he would call Pete. Waiting was driving Mikey nuts. Luckily Pete was too wrapped up in his own problems to notice Mikey being twitchy.

On the third day of waiting, Mikey and Pete heard a commotion in the front lounge, and went to investigate. Patrick was standing there being greeted by the rest of the band saying, "No, Mikey invited me." Mikey could feel Pete's eyes on him before Pete roughly pushed past him and went to the back of the bus. Ray and Bob raised their eyebrows in surprise, so to cover the awkward moment Mikey stepped forward and opened his arms for a hug from Patrick. "I'm glad you could make it."

Patrick dropped his duffle bag and stepped up to hug Mikey. He whispered, "I figured this would work better."

Mikey whispered back, "You'd know, dude."

Mikey herded Ray and Bob off the bus, saying, "Let's give Pete and Patrick a little privacy, yeah?" They went easily enough, but Mikey knew it was only because they wanted the opportunity to grill Mikey about what was going on.

They had the decency to wait until they were far enough away from the buses not to be overheard, and then Ray started with, "What the fuck, dude?"

"It's nothing."

Bob said, "We just got kicked off our bus. I'd say that makes it something."

Mikey tugged on his hair. "They just had a fight and haven't made up yet."

Ray said, "What'd they fight about, Mikey?"

"Just, Pete did something to piss Patrick off."

Bob crossed his arms and said, "It must have been something really bad for Patrick to still be mad after all this time."

Ray was having none of that either. "Mikey."

Feeling backed into a corner, Mikey said, "He sort of hit on Patrick."

Ray was the first one to put the pieces together. "And then he came here to you? Mikey, that's kind of fucked up."

Mikey knew he was echoing Pete's sentiment, but all he could think to say was, "It's not as bad as it sounds."

Bob just shook his head and Ray pulled at his hair. Ray then said, "Does Pete even know what he wants? And did he think before dragging you into his mess?"

All Mikey could do was shrug.

 

**~~I'm a Pool Shooting, Shimmy Shyster~~**

 

By the time, Pete and Patrick left the bus, it was already time for soundcheck and Mikey didn't have time to talk to them. It was probably for the best since that meant Ray and Bob just had time for quick glares as well.

Watching them from the stage, Pete seemed oblivious and deliriously happy. He hung off Patrick like a limpet and smiled at everyone. Mikey was happy for him, he totally was, and he didn't waste time wondering how long Pete would stick around now. Pete didn't work like that, think like that. Patrick was just in a category of his own to Pete. Mikey knew that.

Patrick tolerated it all with a smile of his own, particularly since Pete kept all his cuddling aboveboard.

Mikey also knew he had done a good thing, the right thing, no matter what Bob and Ray said. He understood Pete and his need to be the center of someone's attention. He got that he was convenient in Patrick's absence, hell, more than convenient, a reassurance and comfort in Patrick's absence. Plus, he had needed Pete as much as Pete had needed him. He just wished that he could turn off that need for Pete as quickly as Pete apparently could turn off the need for him.

Soundcheck went off with less hassle than usual. Before he was ready, the band put down their instruments and wandered to the side of the stage where Pete and Patrick were watching. Mikey lagged behind.

Gerard said, "Patrick! When did you get here?" Striding over, he engulfed Patrick in a big hug, displacing Pete in the process. Pete looked disgruntled for a second, but then recovered his good humor and just gripped the back of Patrick's shirt instead.

Patrick replied, "Just today. Mikey invited me."

Gerard looked back at Mikey, who shrugged in response. Gerard then said, "At this rate we'll have all of Fall Out Boy on tour with us before we're finished."

Pete smiled and said, "We'll open for you and do Loverboy covers. It'll be awesome." Patrick snorted and Pete moved closer to him so that their shoulders were touching. Mikey heard Ray growl, but since Ray didn't do it loudly, he decided not to worry about it.

At this point Frank nudged Gerard and nodded at Bob and Ray. He seemed to pick up the weird vibes from Ray and Bob and there were some eyebrow-wiggling and head-nodding in Mikey's direction between them. It was like a French comedy and Mikey would have laughed if he wasn't in the center of it.

Gerard raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, but Ray shook his head negatively so Gerard snapped it shut. This seemed to rob him off all of his conversation, though, and since he had been the main one keeping it going, an awkward silence fell.

Mikey knew he was the only one to bridge the gap that was forming, so he said, "So Patrick, you never told me how long you could stay."

Patrick tugged on his hat. "Just overnight and then I have to return home. I'm in the middle of producing and I really can't stay away that long."

Mikey said, "Well, it's cool you could take the time you did. I'm happy you came." He put extra emphasis on the word happy and glared at Ray for good measure. Ray glared back. He knew it wouldn't do much good. Ray was almost as over-protective as Gerard. It got really annoying when it wasn't frustrating as all hell. He then said, "If you guys are ready we can go to out to dinner now." Mikey figured the best way to handle the situation was to avoid confrontations for as long as possible. It would certainly be best for him at any rate.

Patrick looked surprised for an instant and then finally seemed to notice the glares. He said, "Sure. Sounds great." Pete just nodded, still oblivious.

They went to a small Italian place near the venue. The place had secluded booths with high backs, so they had a measure of privacy. The waitress was a woman in her forties who didn't seem to recognize them, which was cool.

Patrick slid in on one side of the table and Mikey slid on the other. Pete hovered, standing at the end of the table for a couple seconds with a torn look on his face. Finally after a speaking look from Patrick, he slid in next to Mikey. He said, "I'm not stupid. I'm just happy to see you."

Patrick said, "You're stupid about some things, but not the right things." there was no heat to his words, however and he was smiling.

With a serious tone, Pete said, "I'm trying to be better." Mikey thought neither was paying attention to him, but then Pete squeezed his knee and said, "Thanks for inviting us out to dinner. This is perfect." Mikey wasn't surprised he wanted to change the topic. It was making him a little uncomfortable too.

He said, "It seemed best."

Proving he wasn't as stupid or oblivious as Mikey had thought he was, Pete said, "Yeah. What was up with Ray and Bob? I thought their death glares were going to roast me on the spot."

Mikey shifted uncomfortably. "I kind of had to explain why Patrick was here. I didn't go into details, but."

Pete sighed dramatically. "But they still think I'm an asshole."

"They just worry about me."

"It's cool. I worry about you too. I don't mind winning them over again." Pete did seem colossally unconcerned. Mikey didn't know whether to be impressed with his gall or fall in with Ray and Bob and consider Pete an asshole. Unfortunately, he mostly found Pete's grandiosity cute.

Still, Mikey just said, "Good luck with that."

The waitress came by with menus then and conversation turned towards what they were going to eat. Pete continued to be affectionate towards Mikey throughout dinner. He leaned his head on Mikey's shoulder while reading his menu, put his arm around Mikey while waiting for their orders, and put his hand on Mikey's knee again when their food arrived.

Patrick beamed at them every time Pete shifted closer to Mikey. Mikey was torn. He didn't know how much of the affection was because of the way Pete felt or how much was a show for Patrick. He also didn't know if it made a difference. Pete's reaction to reality was so tied to Patrick's perception of it, it was why they worked as a songwriter and singer combo, that Patrick's approval of the relationship might validate it for Pete in a way nothing else could. Still Mikey couldn't bring himself to relax totally into the touches, not that that stopped Pete.

After dinner, Pete went to the restroom and Patrick watched him go, craning his neck to make sure Pete was actually gone. Then, turning back to Mikey, with a serious tone he said, "I'm glad you were there for Pete while I've been a dick the last couple of weeks."

"You haven't been a dick. Just scared."

"Same difference. Still. Thank you."

Mikey shrugged in embarrassment and played with his straw.

Patrick continued, "It's been like the Warped Tour all over again hearing just how great you are and Mikeyway said this and Mikeyway said that."

Mikey could hear the fondness in Patrick's voice. He couldn't help saying, "I'm sure it's not that bad." He knew Patrick had an agenda, that Patrick felt safer if Pete was hooked up with him, but he couldn't help the flush of pleasure that filled his face. He wanted Pete's affection, he just wished it came unencumbered by all this confusion.

Sounding unusually intent, Patrick leaned even further forward and said, "Don't underestimate what Pete feels for you. He couldn't have gone to just anyone during this mess. It had to have been someone special to him. Someone like you who would call me and talk my head out of my ass and not freak out on him. Someone he could trust."

Mikey let his smirk show, but kept his doubts to himself. He might not have freaked out, but that didn't mean he was okay with everything, particularly after Bob and Ray got through talking with him. Luckily before he had to think up a suitably diplomatic answer, Pete returned to the table.

Their concert that night was weird and choppy. Mikey and Ray seemed to always be on separate pages, while Bob just pounded the shit out of his drums without his usual grace. Gerard and Frank, who seemed to have gotten the story from Ray and Bob, were less discordant, but seemed like they were just being tossed about by the waves of worry being thrown about. Gerard kept throwing concerned glances at Mikey, and Frank crowded Mikey's space more than usual.

As bad as the concert was, Mikey wasn't looking forward to it ending. He knew there would be some type of group meeting about him, and he didn't want to face it. He hadn't worked out his own feelings enough, let alone what Pete was thinking, to be able to describe it to the group.

 

**~~And You Still Got To Choose~~**

 

As Mikey suspected, Gerard grabbed a hold of him right after the concert and herded him onto Gerard's bus. Gerard by-passed the dressing rooms and barely gave the backstage people a moment, so Mikey didn't see Pete or Patrick before he was whisked away. The rest of the band followed silently. It was kind of creepy, actually, how silent everyone was. They arrayed themselves in the lounge, with the wives suspiciously absent. Mikey huddled in the corner of one couch. He wasn't going to start.

Frank sat down next to him, almost cuddling close, but not quite. Ray and Bob arranged themselves on the couch opposite; Ray with his arms crossed. Gerard remained standing. He cleared his throat and clasped his hands in front of his chest. Then he just stood there looking bewildered, and cleared his throat again. Finally he said, "I think you know why we're all here."

Mikey snorted. Gerard frowned at him, but Mikey couldn't help it. This was ridiculous. His divorce hadn't rated a full group intervention; this mess with Pete shouldn't rate one either. He couldn't pretend that his personal life didn't affect the others; how he had treated Frank showed that that wasn't true, but that didn't meant hey had the right to try and force decisions on him.

Ray said, "Pete's jerking you around and we want him off the tour." Bob nodded.

Mikey's chest tightened. Until Ray said it that baldly, he hadn't realized how much he didn't want Pete to leave the tour, and how much he suspected Pete would now that he had Patrick back. He feared Ray would get his way regardless of Mikey's feelings about it. He didn't share that revelation with everyone.

Instead, Mikey said, "I want Pete to stay if he wants to."

Gerard said, "Mikey. Do you think that's healthy?" Gerard was using his concerned voice. The one that shut out everyone else in the room and focused Gerard's attention solely on Mikey. With that tone, Mikey couldn't treat the question as a joke.

He said, "It's not as bad as Ray and Bob are making it out to be. I knew something was wrong with Pete from the start, even if I didn't know the details." Frank leaned closer and rubbed Mikey's back. Mikey gratefully leaned into the touch.

Running his hands through his hair, Gerard said, "That still doesn't make this a good situation for you to be in the middle of."

Mikey said, "Pete and Patrick have resolved their thing. I'm not in the middle of anything."

Bob chimed in from the other couch. "Pete's always been weird about Patrick. They'll always have a thing." Ray nodded fiercely. Mikey knew Ray was just worried about him, but he wanted to bop him on the head. He knew he would have to use words instead.

This was where things got dicey. How to explain away a situation Mikey wasn't sure he completely understood? But he had to convince the guys if he was going to get the chance to see if there was anything real between him and Pete underneath everything else. "Yeah, but not the thing you're talking about. Not a romantic thing. That was just Pete not thinking clearly."

Cautiously Ray said, "What does that even mean?" He sounded willing to listen, which Mikey was grateful for.

Mikey took the time to think through his answer before speaking. Everyone waited without rushing him, although Bob started tapping out a beat on his knees. "It just means Pete had nothing but his relationship with Patrick for awhile so he figured it was meant to be everything he was supposed to have. You know Pete. He believes in grand love affairs. So it all made sense in his head." And once he put it into words, it began to make sense to Mikey as well. Pete did believe in love and destiny. Mikey was just surprised he hadn't made a play for Patrick sooner, now that he thought about it.

Gerard walked towards Mikey and squished himself on the couch on the other side from Frank. There really wasn't room and Mikey ended up almost in Frank's lap by the time Gerard was settled. Frank just giggled and tugged Mikey closer. Mikey was glad they were back to where Frank felt comfortable doing that.

Gerard said, "That's not exactly reassuring, Mikey. It still just makes you a rebound thing."

Mikey said, "Well, maybe he's just a rebound thing for me. I want time to figure it out."

Frank, who had been silent up until now, said, "I say Pete stays." His voice was firm and Mikey knew the intervention was over. Ray still looked concerned but he nodded his head in agreement, if reluctantly. Mikey suspected Ray wouldn't be as nice to Pete as he had been originally. On the other hand, Ray was a good guy and he didn't hold grudges for long, so maybe his animosity would blow over quickly.

It all wouldn't make a difference if Pete left the tour with Patrick tomorrow, anyway. Mikey sighed and leaned further into Frank. Frank looked at him curiously, but Mikey just shook his head. Then, changing his mind, in a soft voice he said, "It all won't matter if Pete leaves tomorrow with Patrick."

Gerard, who was still on the other side of Mikey, said, "What makes you think he will?"

Still too unsure to voice his real concern that Pete was only using him while he didn't have Patrick, Mikey said, "I'm not sure they've completely resolved all their issues."

Frank said, "They looked pretty resolved to me."

Mikey shrugged and tugged at a loose thread on his jeans. This time it was Gerard who rubbed his back.

Gerard said, "You're really into him, huh?" Mikey could hear the renewed worry in his voice.

"Don't worry. I'm not in love with him or anything. I'm just, you know. I like him."

Frank said, "Even if he leaves with Patrick, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Like you said, they might still have unresolved shit."

Mikey nodded and shook himself. "Yeah, I know. I'm just being a girl."

Gerard gave him a hug and then Frank screamed, "Group hug!" and Ray and Bob followed Frank and piled on top of Mikey. Mikey staggered under the sudden pressure of all the bodies and almost slipped off the couch, but he was laughing.

Soon thereafter the bus pulled up to the hotel they were staying at for the night. Gerard and Frank went to the back to grab their bags, while Ray, Bob and Mikey walked over to the other bus which had been following them.

Ray put his arm around Mikey and said, "Sorry if I came off like a dick."

Putting his arm around Ray in return, Mikey said, "I understand. We're cool." Ray's arm tightened and then dropped away as they reached the doors to the bus. Inside were Jamia, Lyn, Pete, and Patrick. They were all still lounging on the couches, Lyn and Jamia on one, while Pete and Patrick were on the other. Pete was again snuggled close to Patrick, but it looked innocent.

Lyn and Jamia excused themselves right away to go to their own bus and pick up their bags. Ray and Bob both said, "Hey," to Patrick and Pete and then went to the bunks to pack their bags. Mikey appreciated the trust and privacy. Ray was even almost neutral, which was a big step up from where Mikey thought he would be.

Pete said, "You guys disappeared fast after the concert." He looked a little concerned around the eyes, but otherwise was hiding his emotions well.

Nodding, Mikey simply said, "Group meeting."

Pete bit his lip. He looked towards the back where Ray and Bob were and then back at Mikey with his eyebrows raised. Mikey didn't want to get into a conversation about the meeting with Ray and Bob mere feet away, so he quickly changed the topic. "We'll have to see about getting Patrick a room."

Ray and Bob came through with their bags then, and Mikey hastily stepped out of the doorway. Bob said, "Don't stand around talking too long. You don't want to waste having a hotel room for the night." Ray looked at him incredulously while Pete smirked. Mikey just stared at him. Looking around at all their faces, Bob must have reviewed what he said in his head, because he flushed slightly and said, "That's not what I meant!" Ray just dragged him off the bus. Mikey suspected Bob was going to get a stern talking to.

Pete was still smiling after they left. He peeled himself off Patrick and leaned against Mikey. "Speaking of that. I thought Patrick could use my room and I'd share yours."

Mikey would have expected Pete to have said it playfully or seductively, but his tone was serious and subdued. It made Mikey realize Pete was no surer of where they stood than he was and that he had choices here. Mikey reached up and toyed with the hair falling in Pete's face, searching Pete's gaze. He said, "Sounds good to me."

 

**~~Gotta Bury Me Inside of Your Fire~~**

 

By the time they got the keycards for the rooms straightened out and said good night to Patrick, Mikey was exhausted. It had been a draining night and he just wanted a shower and some sleep. He just hoped he could convince Pete that any talking they needed to do could be done in the morning.

They finished lugging their luggage up to their room and Mikey collapsed on the bed with a groan. This had been the longest day and he almost couldn't believe it was finally so close to over. Pete kicked one of his feet and then stood there looking at him with his hands on his hips.

Without moving, Mikey said, "I'm going in the shower."

Pete responded, "I can see that." Mikey watched as Pete waited a beat. Mikey still didn't move. "Need a little help with that?"

"No, no, I'll get there. Eventually."

"If you wait too long, I'm going to ask about the group meeting." Mikey couldn't keep the grimace off his face. Pete mirrored it back at him and quietly asked, "That bad?"

Mikey didn't want Pete to worry so he rushed to say, "Actually it went a lot better than I expected. I'm just kind of too tired to get into it again tonight. Sorry."

"So I'm not getting my ass kicked tomorrow?"

Mikey tried to imagine Gerard kicking anyone's ass and laughed a little. He said, "By who exactly?"

Pete finally relaxed and lay down on the bed next to Mikey, resting his head on one hand. With a smile he said, "Well, I'm getting a new appreciate for Ray's ferocity."

Mikey was also getting a new appreciation for Ray's ferocity. He hadn't suspected that Ray would be the one to blow a gasket over his situation. He would have thought Gerard or Frank, as the ones the most affected by his divorce, would be the ones to get upset now. "Ray's cool now."

Pete rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I could tell by the one word he felt he could muster up to say to Patrick and me."

"All right, Ray's maybe only getting there, but he will get there. Ray's a good guy." Deciding that was enough about the group meeting for now, Mikey continued with, "And now I really am going in the shower." Mikey suited actions to words and got up and went to his bag to search for his toiletries.

Watching from the bed, Pete said, "Okay, I'll take your word for it."

"Shut up. You know Ray's cool."

"Yeah, yeah."

Mikey finished collecting his stuff and went into the bathroom. He left the door open; Pete had seen it all already. Putting everything down on the vanity, he rifled through it for his shampoo and conditioner. Pete ambled into the room, turning on the shower. He said, "Let me help you out."

Mikey said, "I think I can undress myself."

Turning back to Mikey and grabbing the bottom hem of his t-shirt, Pete responded, "It's more fun with two." Mikey let Pete pull his shirt over his head. Pete dragged his hands over Mikey's stomach and shoulders and he couldn't contain his shudder. Pete was watching him with a smile when his shirt cleared his head. Mikey couldn't resist and leaned down for a kiss. Pete kissed back sweetly and as softly as Mikey. His hands went to Mikey's belt and undid his pants, pushing them down. Mikey wiggled and stepped out of them. Pulling back, Pete said, "Take your shower, Mikeyway."

Smiling now, Mikey did.

When Mikey got out of the shower, Pete was still in the bathroom, sitting on the vanity, holding a towel out for him. Mikey raised an eyebrow, taking the towel. He said, "You're a full-service kind of guy, huh?"

Watching him dry off, Pete responded, "You know it."

A little uncomfortable putting on a show, Mikey asked, "Do you want the shower?"

Pete just answered, "No, I'll take mine in the morning," and continued watching. Mikey hurried to dry off. Once Mikey wrapped the towel around his hips, Pete tugged him closer, and into a kiss. Even though he was enjoying the kiss, Mikey couldn't stop himself from yawning in the middle of it. Laughing, Pete said, "I guess you weren't kidding about not being up for more tonight."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm bushed."

They brushed their teeth side by side, and after Pete also undressed, went to bed. Pete curled around Mikey, holding him from behind. Mikey knew he should be more cautious, be more wary about Pete's intentions, but he couldn't be with Pete being this attentive. It was too good in the moment, to worry about the bigger picture. Mikey closed his hand over Pete's and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him.

Mikey woke first in the morning. He suspected Pete hadn't dropped off right away the night before the way he had. Pete was curled into himself next to Mikey, while Mikey was on his back, sprawled out. Blinking himself more awake, Mikey thought about the last week and everything that had happened. He realized he'd barely thought about Alicia in the last couple of days, too wrapped up in the melodrama of Pete. It was a first since the divorce, but not an unpleasant realization. This was why he liked having Pete around. He made Mikey live in the present, not the past.

He knew he'd have to talk to Pete this morning, since it might be the only chance they got. He just wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure Pete knew what he really felt for Mikey any more than Mikey was sure what he felt for Pete. He just knew he wanted more time. He always wanted more time.

Feeling eyes upon him, Mikey turned towards Pete to find him awake and staring at him. He said, "Hey." His voice was rough with sleep so he coughed a little bit. Pete just nodded. Feeling concerned, Mikey turned on his side and softly said, "Hey," again.

Pete visibly seemed to shake off his mood. He reached up and toyed with Mikey's hair as he said, "Sleep well?"

Leaning into the light touch, Mikey responded, "Yeah. You?"

"Decently enough." Mikey didn't push for details. It had been a rough week for both of them. Pete sighed and then said, "So I guess we have to talk now."

Mikey sighed too and rolled onto his back. "Yeah." Pete snuggled up next to him, hiding his face in the crook of Mikey's neck. Mikey knew he should be the one to start, that he should demand answers about Pete's feelings for him and for Patrick, but he didn't want to be that confrontational. He knew their situation was complicated, burdened with ghosts on both parts, and he didn't want to start a blame game he very well might lose. He might have let the whole thing go, except, well, he was curious. "Why did you come to me when Patrick turned you down?"

Pete shifted so that he was now leaning his head on one hand and looking down at Mikey. His other hand was a warm weight resting on Mikey's chest. "I told you. You were the one who got away I thought I could get."

Vaguely remembering Pete saying something to that effect, Mikey said, "What does that even mean?"

"I won't lie. I did all this, overcame all my inhibitions about being with guys for Patrick, but when that backfired, it seemed silly to let it all go to waste when there was someone else I had been just as attracted to but too hung up to pursue."

"And?"

Pete rolled his eyes. "And you were a good place to hide from Patrick."

Mikey smirked and said, "Okay."

"Just okay?"

Mikey shrugged. Pete would always be wrapped up in Patrick, that was a given, but he didn't treat Mikey like a runner-up, so he could deal with it. And Pete would have to accept that Alicia would always have been Mikey's first choice as well, so they were mostly even.

"Because I'd like us to be better than okay." Pete slid on top of Mikey and aligned their cocks. He then rested his hands by Mikey's head and just waited, though. Threading his hands through Pete's hair, Mikey pulled Pete down into a kiss. He tried to put all his thoughts and feelings into it. That maybe he thought they could be better than okay too. That he was glad Pete thought there was an 'us' as well. Pete nestled into the kiss and arched into Mikey.

Mikey let his hands roam over Pete's back, tightening and squeezing the muscles there, making Pete shift and rub into the pressure. Pete upped the intensity of their kissing, thrusting his tongue into Mikey's mouth repeatedly, slanting his mouth to get the best angle. When Pete's hips started thrusting in the same rhythm, Mikey moved his hands down to Pete's ass and gripped it tightly, guiding the thrusts. Pete grunted and spread his legs further, letting Mikey lead the motion.

They were both hard and leaking by now, providing some decent lubrication for the thrusting, but more would be nice. Before Mikey could act on that thought, Pete pulled up with a moan. He panted above Mikey; pupils dilated and tongue licking his lips. Mikey's hands were still on his ass, and he wiggled it as he said, "Finally going to nail my ass, Mikeyway?"

Laughing, Mikey said, "If you like." Pete scrambled away to get lube and condoms and Mikey laughed again at the speed at which he moved. Maybe he and Pete hadn't quite had the discussion the rest of the group would have liked Mikey to have had with Pete, but it was enough for Mikey.

Pete bounced back onto the bed with the supplies and grinned down at Mikey. Grinning back, Mikey rolled to his knees and said, "You're going to make me do all the work, aren't you?"

Planting a smacking kiss on Mikey's lips, Pete said, "That's the plan." Mikey held Pete's head in place and turned the kiss into a real one. Pete hummed happily into it. They then switched around so that Pete was lying on his front with his knees bent, ass raised, and Mikey was kneeling between his legs. Mikey slid one finger in cautiously. It was tight and hot, and it took awhile for Pete to relax. Despite all his eagerness, Mikey suspected Pete still hadn't done this all that often.

Still, Pete seemed to be enjoying it, if the sounds he was making were any indication, and by the time he was begging for more, Mikey was ready to give him another finger. As he slid two fingers in, Mikey ran his other hand over Pete's back, running his fingertips along the edges of his tattoo, feeling the difference in the skin. Pete babbled all the while, he always was a talker. It was one of the things Mikey liked best about Pete. Here and now, Mikey learned how good his fingers felt and how much Pete wanted him and how much Pete had dreamed about this. Mikey wrapped one hand around Pete's cock as a thank you for Pete's words and to hear them stutter out into moans and then pick up again in urgency.

When Pete sounded breathless and incoherent and Mikey's cock was hard as a rock and he was humping Pete's thigh, Mikey extracted his fingers and rolled on a condom. He then gripped Pete's hips and lined himself up, and slid in slowly but strongly. Pete's whole body tensed briefly, but then relaxed like butter around him. Mikey was the one babbling now. About how hot and tight Pete was and how good it felt and, "Oh, dear god, let me move, please."

Pete wriggled backwards and said, "God, yes. Yes!"

Moaning, Mikey began thrusting in earnest, still gripping tightly to Pete's hips. Giving lie to his words that he would make Mikey do all the work, Pete rocked back into every thrust. Before he lost himself completely, Mikey leaned forward and again wrapped his hand around Pete's cock, letting his thrusts jack Pete off. Pete rocked between the two stimuli frantically and it was all Mikey could do to maintain some semblance of rhythm.

Soon Pete was coming with a shout of Mikey's name, and falling to his elbows. It only took Mikey another couple thrusts before he was also coming with a long drawn out moan. He carefully pulled out of Pete, before collapsing next to him. He took off the condom and threw it in the trash can next to the bed and then wrapped his arms around Pete, snuggling close.

Pete rolled to his side and made a contented sound. Mikey kissed the back of his neck and held on tighter.

 

**~~Well Now Fallin' in Love Is Such a Breeze~~**

 

Mikey dosed off, cuddled behind Pete. Disoriented, he was woken up by the buzzing of a phone. Before he could gather his wits, Pete struggled out of his arms and reached for his phone on the bedside table. He answered in a sleep-husky voice with a, "Hey, Patrick."

Rolling to his back, Mikey listened distractedly to Pete's side of the conversation, which was a discussion about meeting up for breakfast. Pete sounded happy, but nothing other than that. Soon bored, Mikey began thinking back to their conversation from earlier and what it meant. He had always gone equally for girls and guys, but he knew it wasn't the same for Pete. Despite kissing some guys, Mikey knew Pete had only had relationships and sex with girls previously. Or at least when he had last hung out with Pete. It was the whole reason they had never hooked up back on Warped Tour.

He could understand Pete overcoming his aversion to cock to be with Patrick, but that didn't explain what Pete was doing with Mikey now. Mikey finally began to consider why Pete didn't just revert back to girls when things with Patrick imploded. It certainly would have been easier and more familiar. Mikey didn't often admit it even to himself, but the acceptance his relationship with Alicia received because she was a girl had been part of the attraction. He had had a string of boyfriends before her and it had grown wearing. Not that Pete often did things just because they were easy, but this was different. Maybe Mikey did mean more to him than just a convenient hook-up.

Mikey didn't even need to think to know that his feelings had become more complicated as the weeks had gone by. He had thought less and less about Alicia and more and more about Pete. In the beginning, he liked telling himself that he was just using Pete as a distraction, that he just wasn't enough of a loser to say no to regular sex, but he didn't think any of that had ever been true. Pete had always held a fascination for him. Verbally fluid and graceful, Pete had enchanted him with stories and banter from their first meeting. And the opposite seemed true as well. Mikey always felt more charming and wittier when Pete was around.

Pete hung up the phone and turned back to Mikey. He brushed his hand against Mikey's shoulder and said, 'Want to meet Patrick for breakfast in an hour?"

Mikey nodded with a slight shrug. That sounded fine to him. Pete quirked his eyebrows at Mikey's gesture and gave Mikey a considering look. "What are you thinking about?"

Mikey didn't want to get into a long explanation about everything that had been on his mind, but he didn't mind sharing a little of it. So he said, "Us."

Pete grinned and said, "That's what I like. You finally admitting there is an us."

"I wasn't that bad."

Pete snorted. "No, only your idea of us included half the state." Kissing Mikey softly, Pete tugged on a tuft of Mikey's hair. "It's all right. I knew I would wear you down. I'm irresistible like that. I'm jumping in the shower, okay?"

Nodding distractedly, Mikey watched Pete amble to the bathroom and begin undressing. Mikey considered Pete's actions. Despite his moodiness, they had been remarkably focused on Mikey. He'd never even joked about leaving the tour despite Mikey's fears that he would. There was only the once that he'd brought it up and then he'd more insinuated that Mikey would want him off the tour, not the other way around. Maybe Pete had been serious all along.

Mikey shook off his ruminations and decided to stop being a dweeb. He went to join Pete in the shower.

They joined Patrick for breakfast and the topic of Pete leaving with him never arose. The tour only had another week and a half, but Mikey was ridiculously relieved.

After Patrick left and they were back in their room packing, Pete said, "Do you mind riding to the venue with Frank and Gerard? I want to try and talk to Ray and Bob alone."

Remembering Ray's ferocious defense of him, Mikey wasn't sure this was a good idea. "Are you sure you don't want me there?"

Pete crossed his arms. "Positive." He looked resolute and determined.

Knowing Pete to be unstoppable once he got that look on his face, Mikey bit his lip and said, "Okay then."

Mikey watched Pete join Ray and Bob with trepidation, but intercepted Frank and Gerard before they could interrupt nonetheless. Ray looked back at Mikey curiously, but went along with Pete willingly enough. Hopefully that was a good sign and not one that he just wanted privacy to hide the body.

Mikey consoled himself that even Pete couldn't really make things much worse between him and the rest of the band. They were too solid for that. Turning back to Frank and Gerard, he found Gerard gave him a questioning look so he said, "Pete wanted to talk to Ray and Bob."

Frank said, "Divide and conquer the band, huh?"

Mikey shrugged. It wasn't a bad idea. Gerard at least was willing to listen to Mikey and it seemed that Frank was on their side. He didn't know if it was the best policy to give the hardest members to Pete, but the deed was already done.

Gerard said, "So Pete's not leaving with Patrick?"

Mikey ducked his head and hid his smile as he admitted, "Nope."

"I'm glad to see he's not as much of a dick as I feared." Gerard bumped his shoulder and Mikey stumbled a little, but continued smiling.

Frank bounced on his heels and said, "See I was right that he should stay. Give them a chance to work things out."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "You're just a hopeless romantic, Iero."

Beaming at him, Frank said, "But never wrong!"

Mikey held his peace as Gerard and Frank bantered the rest of the way to the venue. He almost thought they had forgotten he was there, but then Gerard slung his arm around him and squeezed his shoulder. Mikey smiled back at him and leaned into his warmth.

When they arrived, they tumbled out of the bus in a jumble, all looking towards the other bus. Mikey knew they were being obvious, but he also knew Pete could handle the attention. It was Bob and Ray they might annoy, unfortunately. But right then the other bus door opened, and Bob came out grinning with a laughing Ray following behind him. Pete brought up the rear waving his arms and obviously telling some preposterous story.

Frank said, "Well, he's obviously worked his charm once again."

Gerard said, "I'm still going to keep my eye on him," and nodded significantly at Mikey.

Mikey didn't take his eyes off Ray and Bob. He wondered how Pete had done it. He'd had no clue how to talk to the guys when it was his chance the night before and all Pete had needed was one car ride to make them all friends again. He felt a little jealous, but he squelched that feeling down. He knew he wasn't as charismatic as most of the other guys; he was okay with that. Just sometimes he wished he was special too.

Pete saw him then and gave him two big thumbs up and Mikey could feel Gerard rolling his eyes next to him. He couldn't help smiling back, however. He, Frank, and Gerard started towards the entrance, meeting the other group halfway there. Mikey tried to catch Pete's attention, but Pete was too wrapped up in finishing up his story. Once they arrived at the door the whole group was soon swallowed by the backstage chaos and all chance of a private talk was lost, not least because it would mess with Mikey's head and Pete knew that.

Mikey liked quiet and to just be with his band before a show. It helped him get into the proper mindset. Pete, knowing Mikey's routine after so many weeks, disappeared with the crew. Mikey wandered aimlessly from one bandmate to another until he ended up in the dressing room alone with Ray. He carefully closed the door and leaned against it.

Mikey said, "So, um, Pete."

Ray looked up, startled, but then relaxed. He had been fiddling with his guitar, working on a new tune and he always spaced out when that was going on, no matter the chaos around him. He said, "It's all right, Mikey, Pete told us how you're his hero and shit and how this was all a misunderstanding."

Mikey looked disbelieving at Ray. He knew Pete could be persuasive when he wanted, but that sounded outlandish, even for Pete. "And you believed that?" He walked towards Ray, trying to get a better look at the expression on his face.

Ray put his guitar down, looking serious. "I know Pete is full of shit a lot, but yeah, I believed him when he was talking about you. It was the look in his eyes. It might not be the shine he gets when talking about Patrick, but it's damn close."

Mikey shook his head and sat down with a thump next to Ray. "That's not. There's no _shine_."

Ray just smiled gently at him and rubbed his back. "There's totally a shine. And there should be one. You're worth a little shine."

Mikey ducked his head and said, "That's pretty sappy, Toro."

Just then Frank came through the door, asking, "What are you to talking about?"

Ray said, "I've been hanging out with Frank. Sappiness rubs off on a person."

Frank bellowed, "Oh, I'll show you sappiness!" and took a flying leap at Ray. Mikey ducked out of the way of flailing limbs and backed towards the door. He totally didn't think about Pete shining for him.

 

**~~And It's Hard to Win When You Always Lose~~**

 

The next week and a half passed in a blur of frustration for Mikey. This tour was ending with everyone hyper and strung out on nerves, so the chaos of the tour seemed magnified tenfold. Amongst it all, he and Pete barely managed a moment alone. He didn't think the rest of the guys were keeping them from having privacy on purpose, but they were all more attentive to Pete and guarding how he treated Mikey, which seemed to involve having at least one bandmate following them around at all times. Pete took this in stride, but upped his public displays of affection in proportion to their audience. Pete also took to joining Mikey in his bunk every night for cuddling, despite Ray and Bob's (admittedly weak) protests.

Mikey enjoyed the cuddling and the affection, but he missed sex now that he had begun to have it regularly again. Pete did try to break the "no sex in the bunks while Ray and Bob were there" rule, but Mikey just wasn't comfortable with it. He wasn't an exhibitionist. Also, he could just imagine the retribution.

Besides the sex, Mikey also missed having private conversations with Pete. They didn't have to talk about deep, earth-shattering things all the time, but he did miss discovering small, intimate things about Pete. With someone always being around, all their conversations seemed general and vague.

And now Pete was going home to L.A. because of his neglected Clandestine and DecayDance duties and Mikey was going to New Jersey because of his neglected life and furnishings and Mikey didn't know when they would meet up again. Or if they would. He knew he should be more optimistic about them, but it was hard considering everything that had gone previously.

"Hey. Stop worrying."

Mikey looked up from packing his duffle bag to discover Ray had finally left and it was just Pete and him. Pete had stopped packing his own bag and was just leaning on his bunk watching Mikey kneel in the middle of the aisle.

Mikey said, "I'm not worrying."

Pete nodded seriously. "Okay. How about you stop doing that other thing where you scrunch your eyebrows and frown and stare pensively off into the distance? It'll be all right. I just need a couple weeks to settle stuff and then I can come to New Jersey or, hey, if you finish earlier, you can come to L.A."

"How do you know what I was worrying about?"

Pete said, "I thought you weren't worried?" and Mikey gave Pete's leg a little shove as Pete laughed. Pete settled down next to Mikey and admitted, "I'm worried about the same things. I'm just hiding it better."

Mikey dropped the t-shirt he was holding into his bag. He thought it was Bob's but didn't care at this point. "I really do have to go back to New Jersey. I can't live out of a duffle bag forever."

"No, I totally understand. I knew this was a long distance relationship when I started. Unless you want to cut ties completely and move to L.A. You can now, you know."

Mikey looked sharply at Pete. Pete had a hopeful smile on his face and didn't avoid Mikey's gaze. He sidled closer in the small space, climbing over Mikey's duffle. He kissed Mikey softly and mumbled into his mouth, "You really can. It would be amazing."

Pulling back, Mikey said, "You're serious."

"Of course I'm serious. I'm serious about you." Pete shifted so that he was straddling Mikey and kissed him again. Mikey kissed back distractedly as his thoughts whirled. Mikey did have to go to New Jersey and see about his stuff, but maybe he didn't have to stay there. But then again, he'd always lived in New Jersey; it was home. But New Jersey was also Alicia and failure, so maybe it was all right to move on and move away. Maybe it would even be healthy. He certainly wasn't looking forward to going back now.

Pete suddenly bit his earlobe and Mikey groaned as a shiver ran down his body. He loved that. Pete said, "Hey, are you with me now?"

Mikey suddenly realized that they were alone and Pete was in his lap and kissing him. Who knew how long that would last. He'd think about L.A. and New Jersey later, right now he wanted to live in the moment. He grabbed Pete's head and turned it into another kiss, more forceful and fired up. Afterwards he said, "Oh, yeah, I'm with you."

Pete said, "We can talk about L.A. later. I promise." There was a hopeful lilt to his voice.

Pulling Pete's shirt over his head, Mikey said, "Much later." Pete grinned at him and ground down into Mikey's lap. Mikey groaned again and lifted his arms so that Pete could take off his shirt. Once his shirt cleared his head, he immediately went in for another kiss, Pete already leaning in as well. Now that Mikey was paying attention to him, Pete didn't seem to be in any hurry. His kissing was languid and slow. After an eon of endless, suckling kisses, Pete's mouth drifted down Mikey's neck and along his collar, Mikey letting his head fall back and giving Pete free rein.

Pushing Mikey backwards onto the floor, Pete tried to climb on top of him, but their legs became entangled when Mikey tried to straighten his. They laughed together as they untangled, Pete a little breathlessly, and Mikey couldn't believe how happy he was right now. He brushed Pete's hair out of his face and kissed him again. Pete grinned through the kiss, but Mikey didn't mind. He loved it that Pete was so happy to be with him as well.

Mikey rubbed his hands along Pete's back, wherever he could reach as they kissed. He loved the strong pull of Pete's muscles as he shifted and adjusted over Mikey. Pete, meanwhile, broke off the kiss and again began licking a trail down Mikey's neck and shoulder. He eventually reached Mikey's nipple and licked a broad stripe over it causing Mikey to shudder. Pete grinned against his skin and settled in to suck and bite at one nipple and then the other as Mikey writhed beneath him. Mikey didn't always have patience for nipple play, but after that week's frustration, every part of his body felt extra sensitive and the sharp tugs on his nipples sent delicious ripples down to his cock.

Without stopping his attentions to Mikey's nipples, Pete braced himself on one arm, and reached down with the other to undo Mikey's pants and reach inside, cupping Mikey's cock. Mikey groaned loudly and cursed fluently, almost bucking Pete off. Mikey, lost in sensation, reached to each side to hold onto the bunks and anchor himself as his hips arched and his belly tensed. Pete just sucked harder on Mikey's nipple and jacked Mikey's cock faster.

Mikey now felt as if a live wire was shooting sparks from his nipples to his cock and then back up again. The sparks were racing faster and faster as Pete jacked him off, until they exploded in shower of color and white noise and he came shouting Pete's name.

Drifting for a couple minutes in a haze of pleasure, Mikey returned to earth and to Pete kissing his face and rubbing his hard cock against his hip. Mikey grabbed Pete's hips and pulled him closer. After tilting Pete's face into a better kiss, he said, "Come on," and reached around to stroke Pete's cock.

Pete panted in his ear and said, "Yeah, yeah." Mikey continued stroking Pete's cock, getting a good, solid rhythm going. It took a gratifyingly short amount of time for Pete to come all over him.

After resting for a couple minutes, Mikey got Pete to sit up and used Bob's shirt to clean both of them off. Feeling as if he was returning to reality, Mikey said, "We should get dressed. Who knows when the others will be back."

Pete didn't answer, just hummed at him, but agreeably stood up and did up his pants. Mikey buttoned his pants and put on his shirt again, shivering at the feel of the cotton falling over his nipples which were still sensitive, one with a bite mark on the left. Looking at their half-packed bags, Mikey then kicked his duffle bag disconsolately and went over to hug Pete. Pete settled into it agreeably and sighed.

"I'm going to miss you, Mikeyway. Come visit me soon."

Mikey hugged Pete tighter and said, "I will."

 

**~~You're Like A Looking At The Sun~~**

 

Back home in New Jersey, Mikey felt lost. For the first week, he ghosted around Gerard and Lyn's place flitting from room to room, never settling for long. He had a long list of the things he was supposed to do to complete the ending of his life with Alicia, but just looking at it made him hyperventilate.

Pete texted him multiple times a day and called at least once a day, and it was the only parts of the day he felt alive. Still, half an hour on the phone and random seconds texting wasn't the same and it didn't overcome his paralysis. He knew he eventually had to face his past, but he just didn't know if he could.

In the beginning of the second week, Gerard came and stood next to him as he was staring moodily out the living room window. He put his arm around Mikey and squeezed until Mikey squeaked and said, "What the fuck, Gee?"

Gerard released Mikey's shoulders, but left his arm draped over them. He said, "That's what I'd like to know."

Mikey shrugged, being careful not to displace Gerard's arm.

"Is it Pete?"

Mikey shook his head and offered a small smile to Gerard. "No, we're good. Honest."

Gerard heaved a big sigh and dropped his forehead to Mikey's shoulder. "Then I don't get it. You almost seem worse now than before. You have to talk to me, Mikey."

Mikey hated scaring Gerard, but didn't know how to stop. He floundered for words to describe the feelings that were tying him in knots. He bit his lip in consternation and finally just said, "I don't feel ready to face Alicia again, but I know I have to, to move on with Pete."

"You really don't. You could just pack up your stuff and go."

Mikey shook his head. "Gerard."

Sighing again, Gerard said, "You always have to do things the hard way. But, Mikey, you don't have to do it alone. We're here to help you."

"I don't know what you can do."

"Call Alicia and set up an appointment. Drive you there. Do the hard stuff, so all you have to do is show up."

Mikey fought with himself. It seemed like a cop-out, but at the same time he knew it wasn't. That it was just his perfectionism talking and not the healthy part of him. He didn't know if the need to see Alicia was healthy or not, but he couldn't shake it, so he figured it didn't matter at this point. Through a suddenly dry throat, he finally pushed out an, "Okay."

Gerard was as good as his word and he set up the appointment for two days later. Mikey was a bundle of nerves, where he had ghosted from room to room before, he now jittered from seat to seat unable to remain still for more than a couple seconds at a time. He drove Gerard nuts, but Lyn just gave him sympathetic smiles and left them alone.

Finally the day arrived and Mikey felt like a truck had parked on his chest. He could barely breath for the weight pressing down and gasped each breath as Gerard drove to his and Alicia's old place. He was going to pick up some remaining stuff as well as talk to her. Gerard kept shooting concerned glances his way, but Mikey was too busy concentrating on breathing to reassure him that he was all right. Plus, he didn't know if he was all right.

They pulled up and both remained seated as they stared at the building. Gerard said, "You still don't have to do this."

Mikey shook his head, but didn't say anything. He just pressed his lips together and got out of the car. Gerard leaned out the window and said, "I'll wait here."

Mikey nodded and taking a deep breath, walked up the familiar walkway. He didn't know what to expect from his first sight of Alicia. He knew the last time he had seen her, his chest had burned with a weird mix of longing and anger that seemed to eat his insides. But that had been eight months ago and before Pete. He hoped things would be different now, but he finally realized he had been paralyzed all this time with the fear that things wouldn't be. That he had been kidding himself that he was getting over her and that he could move on with Pete. That what he felt for Pete would vanish into thin air. He bit his lip and knocked on the door.

With trepidation he held his breath as Alicia opened the door and smiled lightly at him. She looked fantastic. Her hair was shorter and styled differently, but he recognized the t-shirt as one of his and the converses as her favorite sneakers. Mikey waited for the burning to return, but all he felt was a small tingle in his stomach and a nostalgic wave of affection. He smiled warmly at her in relief.

She smiled just as warmly back and said, "A hug would be all right, right?"

Mikey nodded and moved awkwardly into her embrace. He patted her back a few times and smelled the familiar scent of her skin, which made the tingle in his belly turn into a knot, but was able to step back with equanimity. She smiled at him again and waved him inside.

They stood awkwardly in the living room, Mikey declining coffee, knowing he wouldn't be able to drink anything. She gave him a knowing smile and he just shrugged in agreement.

She ran a hand through her hair and bit her own lip. She laughed lightly before saying, Well, this is weird."

Mikey said, "Yeah. How are you?" and then cringed at the banality of the question.

But she looked relieved and began talking about her new gig and how happy she was to be teching again and Mikey could see it on her face. He told her about the tour and how the guys were and it was almost like old times except for the extreme civility of it.

After the conversation ran down and a natural lull occurred, Alicia shifted around and looking nervous, said, "I've been going to therapy. Working on some issues. I was thinking, maybe. Maybe we could try again."

Mikey was blindsided. The divorce had been her idea from the start. He had fought against it, but she had been adamant. He knew he was gaping at her, but didn't know how to get himself under control. Staring at her, all he could see was Pete's face as it had looked when he asked Mikey to move to L.A. All hopeful expectation and desire. He said, "I'm seeing someone."

Now she looked shocked "Someone. You can' really be picking some random groupie over me."

"It's not some-. It's Pete." And just saying Pete's name was like a charm. He suddenly felt secure in how he felt about Pete. He could see clearly all that Pete had tried to show him but never said during the tour. He almost smiled, but knew that would be unforgivable.

She got an even more stunned look on her face. "Pete?" Her face hardened at his nod and she crossed her arms, gripping her elbows tight. "You'll never be Patrick." He could hear in her voice how angry and frustrated she was. He wasn't trying to destroy her dreams a second time, but it seemed like he was doing it anyway.

To try and ease the tension between them and because it was the truth, he said, "And he'll never be you." It was as if each barb she said to him pierced a leaden balloon in his chest, releasing the poison into the atmosphere and lightening his load. He just wished she could go through a similar catharsis, but he could see by the pinched look on her face, it wasn't happening.

She said, "You're a dick," and turned away. He wanted to go and comfort her, but he knew he didn't have the right anymore, particularly when he was the one hurting her. She turned back, swiping at her eyes angrily and asked, "How long has this been going on?"

He said, "Just a couple months, but it's serious." Helplessly, he added, "I'm sorry."

She nodded jerkily and took a big breath and then another. "Your stuff is over here."

He nodded back and knew their time was over. He wished it had gone better for both of them, but this meeting had at least released his demons, if not hers. He said, "We'd just end up where we were before. It's not just you that needed to change, and I don't think I've changed enough to fit you."

She wouldn't look him in the eye after his speech but she gave him a final hug and said, "Get out, will you." He knew she always did hate crying in front of people, even him when they were married.

Mikey picked up his box and walked back to the car. He didn't look back, but he heard the door shut right after he left. She never was the type to linger. Gerard was leaning against the car smoking and went to open the trunk when Mikey came into view. Dumping the box in the trunk and avoiding Gerard's gaze, Mikey stole Gerard's cigarette and smoked it as he slumped next to Gerard by the trunk. Gerard calmly lit another cigarette and waited.

Mikey said, "She wanted to get back together."

Gerard coughed out his inhaled smoke. "Whoa."

"Yeah."

Looking closely at Mikey, he asked, "What did you say?"

Mikey gave Gerard an dumbfounded look and said, "That I was with Pete."

Gerard shrugged in apology. "Ouch. How'd she take it?"

Taking a deep inhale on his borrowed cigarette and then stubbing it out on the ground, Mikey said, "Not well, but I think we'll be all right eventually." He then walked around and got back in the car. It took a couple seconds for Gerard to join him.

 

**~~Whisper Tell Me I'm The One~~**

After his talk with Alicia, in a complete reversal from his earlier lethargy, Mikey felt energized and raced through the rest of the things on his list keeping him in New Jersey. He saw his lawyer and went through his stuff in storage and saw his mom and dad, telling them about Pete. That was almost as hard as seeing Alicia, since they had never been comfortable with his bisexuality, but he got through it with Gerard there as support.

It was less than a week later that he had tackled everything and was taping up the last box for Gerard to mail to him in L.A. Gerard gave him a hug and said, "Don't be a stranger."

Mikey leaned into the hug, feeling Gerard's arms tighten. "I won't."

Gerard released him, but just stood there biting his lip. "Are you really sure about this? About moving to L.A. for Pete?"

Mikey gripped Gerard's arm and shook it a little bit. "I'm sure it's worth a shot. I'm sure New Jersey isn't the right place for me anymore." Gerard nodded and hugged him again and then left him alone to finish up the last box in peace.

Finally done, without even calling Pete, he got on the next flight out of Newark to L.A.

By the time the plane landed he had butterflies in his stomach and wished he was buzzed from little bottles of airline whiskey. He trundled with his carry-on luggage through the airport, being ignored by everyone thankfully, and he hailed a taxi, giving Pete's address.

While in the cab he checked his phone and discovered two missed calls from Pete and four missed texts, the last one concerned. He toyed with it, uncertain whether to call first. Finally realizing he didn't even know if Pete was home, he pressed speed dial on his phone and listened to the ringing.

Pete answered with an exuberant, "Mikeyway! I thought you were ignoring me!"

At Pete's voice, Mikey grinned and the butterflies tumbled harder in his stomach. He'd missed Pete so much, but he had been ignoring it while stressing over seeing Alicia. Now that it was almost time to see him again, Mikey was excited and nervous and just full of emotion. "Never, just couldn't get to my phone."

Pete sighed heavily. "That's just unacceptable when you're three thousand miles away. You need to keep your phone near to hand at all times."

Mikey said, "Yeah? What about when I'm five miles away?"

There was silence on the other end of the line and then a large whoop. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Mikey laughed and gripped the phone tighter. "Maybe even less now. There's not much traffic today."

"You do the best surprises, Mikeyway. I can't wait until you get here. Hemmy will be so happy to see you."

Relaxing easily now that he knew Pete was home, Mikey said, "Just Hemmy?"

"Maybe his human too. But you'll have to wait to find out."

Mikey and Pete bantered for a couple more minutes. It was impossible to get Pete to be serious when he was this happy, and his flirtatious silliness was infectious. Mikey was grinning stupidly and getting weird looks from the cab driver by the time they pulled up to Pete's place. He hung up the phone to pay the driver, and slinging his bag over his shoulder, he walked the rest of the way up the drive. Pete was waiting in the doorway, barefoot with low slung jeans and a tight fitting hoodie. Hemmy was sitting at his feet, tongue lolling.

When he saw Mikey, he smiled hugely, all teeth and crinkled eyes. Mikey's butterflies stilled and a calm descended across his belly. He knew he was where he belonged. When Mikey finally reached the doorway, Pete said, "Look at how happy Hemmy is to see you!"

Mikey looked down at Hemmy, who sniffed his shoes and then placidly trotted back into the house. Mikey raised an eyebrow at Pete and contained his smile.

Pete watched Hemmy go and then rolled his eyes. "All right, all right. I'm the one who's happy to see you. Come inside so I can kiss you. Otherwise we'll be giving the paparazzi a show." Mikey smiled and followed Pete into the house. He allowed himself to be pulled into Pete's arms, dropping his bag by the door. Pete cradled his head gently and leaned up for a soft kiss. Mikey had been expecting something frantic and desperate, but he liked the leisurely pace and quietness of this first kiss better. He felt like they were on the same page, both of them knowing what was in the other's mind.

Relaxing into Pete's embrace, Mikey broke the kiss and rested his head on Pete's shoulder. He had to bend down to do it, but it wasn't too bad of a struggle. Continuing to pet his back, Pete said, "Hey."

Smiling, but hiding it in Pete's shoulder, Mikey said, "Hey" back.

"How long can you stay?"

"As long as you'll have me." The butterflies in his stomach began fluttering again as he waited for Pete's response. He was sure, well, almost sure, Pete was serious, but now he would find out for good or bad. Mikey bit his lip and closed his eyes.

Pete's arms tightened around him. He said, "Holy shit." Then he emitted another loud whoop right in Mikey's ear and tried to dance them around the foyer. They banged into walls, almost tripped over Mikey's bag, and Hemmy came back barking, but they were both laughing by the time he stopped. Pete said, "Really, truly, Mikeyway?"

Mikey just nodded, but he could feel the smile splitting his face and knew that said everything.

"I can't decide whether to demand answers or to just kiss you into incoherence right now."

Mikey answered, "I vote for kissing. We can talk later."

Pete said, "Then let's at least get out of the hallway and into the bedroom."

And this was why he chose Pete over Alicia. He and Alicia were past the point where they could do anything without talking it to death first. There was no trust left in that relationship. Everything needed to be codified and agreed upon before action could take place. Things might not be perfect with Pete, but Mikey could trust Pete. Pete had always talked, even when he didn't want to, even when he was blurting out secrets about him and Patrick. So they would talk about Alicia and New Jersey and what the hell Mikey was going to do in L.A., but it could all wait until later.

Mikey picked up his bag and let Pete hold his other hand, as he led him through the house to the bedroom. He pointed out the other rooms, but didn't stop long enough for Mikey to get a good glimpse of any of them. That was all right, he could get the grand tour later.

Once Pete tugged Mikey into his bedroom, Mikey let his bag drop to the floor and tugged Pete in return towards the bed. As he pushed Pete down onto the bed and crawled on top of him, leaving his shoes hanging off the edge, he said, "Come here, you."

Pete pulled him into a kiss and just hummed into his mouth as a response. Wrapping his legs around Mikey, Pete ran one foot along Mikey's calf and up to his thigh. Mikey began thrusting and their kisses turned ferocious. It had been a long two weeks apart. Mikey had missed the smell of Pete's skin and the taste of his mouth as well as just Pete's presence and comfort. He almost felt overwhelmed having Pete live and in person underneath him. His cock had hardened quickly, as had Pete's, he was rapidly approaching climax, and now they were getting to the quick and frantic greeting he had envisioned.

He began frantically pushing at Pete's clothing, trying to get to skin. His hands kept tangling with Pete's, who was trying to do the same thing. Finally Mikey's shirt and Pete's hoodie were pushed up, their pants were undone and pushed down, and their cocks could slide together. Mikey mouthed Pete's neck and bit at the tendon there, soothing the bite with his tongue afterwards. He was panting hard, with Pete's hands on his ass, directing his thrusting and this was all going to be over before it started. He didn't mind one bit.

With a tightening of his legs around Mikey and an arching back, Pete came first. Mikey groaned when he felt the warm spurt against his belly and sped up his movements, using his knees for purchase on the bed. He pulled back to look down at Pete spread out beneath him and that was all it took for him to start coming like a freight train.

By the time they had both recovered, they were a sticky mess and Mikey realized he still had his shoes on. He rolled off Pete with a groan and threw an arm over his face. feeling something warm and tingling gushing inside of him, Mikey groped for Pete's hand and said, "I missed you so damn much."

Pete tightened his grip on Mikey's hand. Cautiously, he said, "You never said. On the phone. I was always the one calling."

Coming clean about his time in New Jersey, Mikey said, "I was too depressed."

"Oh, Mikeyway." Pete pulled him into a hug, ignoring the mess, and Mikey felt relieved and comforted. Pete continued, "You're here now. It'll be better. You can see my psychiatrist. He's pretty good."

Mikey snorted into Pete's shoulder thinking about Pete and his crazy life and Pete thwacked him. "He is!"

Mikey smiled. He said, "I'm sure he is. Despite all evidence to the contrary." Pete thwacked him again, but he was laughing. Biting his lip, Mikey said more seriously, "I think it was just the tour letdown and not having you there. Plus New Jersey and Alicia stuff. I don't think New Jersey is a healthy place for me anymore."

Pete said, "We'll make L.A. a good place for you. I promise."

Mikey kissed him and believed.


End file.
